Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
