I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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