Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
