I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
