who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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