So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
