Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
