Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
