You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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