yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
