Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
