I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
