I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
