The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize