I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
