On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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