I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
