New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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