honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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