Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize