What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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