You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
