You can't special order awesome
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
