Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
