i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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