you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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