well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
