But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
