You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
