literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
