I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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