I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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