yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
