overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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