I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
