butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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