a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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