my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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