Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
