She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm always down for nudity.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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