come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
