She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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