This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize