oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
