Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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