No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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