and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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