New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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