so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
