i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
