it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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