He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize