I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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