We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
