i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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