Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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