I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
