C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
