i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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