I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
