is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
