i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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