just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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