you guys were way drunker than both of me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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