im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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