I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
