conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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