We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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