What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize