are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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