How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
