we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We are all done wearing pants today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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