I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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