Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Your dad touched me again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
