I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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