OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
