You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
