Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
