I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
