Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
